16 September 2014

Tired of trying to do the impossible?

I've had enough. I'm tired of trying to do the impossible and ending up doing nothing instead. I can't find time for thinking and I can't find time for doing. I have to work out how to deal with this but when am I going to fit that in?



Do you have the same problem? Not enough time in the day - any day! I feel as if my life is slipping by and I can start to feel panic rising. How can I do everything I want or need to do? When can I fit it all in?

Taking a deep breath, I sit down and try to calm myself. This panicking won't do me any good, so I decide to work out a strategy. Aaargh - another thing to do!

I start getting alarmed again, so I take another deep breath. And another. Any more of these and I'll pass out. Hmmm...there's a thought - a nice long sleep would be good. No one would expect me to do anything while I was asleep, would they?

I finally decide to go for a walk. As I walk around the streets near my home, I feel myself start to focus on the things around me. I stroll past a house that has been painted a soft lavender shade. There is a huge sandstone pot in the front garden, filled with an unfurling fern.

The next house has an overgrown garden. I look more closely and see it is actually well organised. There are fruit trees and vegetables - beans climbing up poles, twirling their tendrils around and around. Flowers are open and their petals seem to look at me as I pass by. Soft shades and bright colours - they're all mixed up and seem to complement each other, growing together.

I'm nearly home by now, just a walk through the parkands to go, along the path, which curves through the grass. Spiky grasses with soft furry heads wave as I amble past and some touch my leg.

As I approach my front door, I slow down and realise I don't feel overwhelmed any more. I feel energised instead and I quickly move into my studio. 

On a large piece of paper, I draw the shape of the grasses. I draw tendrils from my memory of the beans, along with the fern leaves as they open to the air. 

Before I forget the colours I've seen, I pull out fabrics. Blue sky colours, lavender, sandstone, caramel, green and flower colours. I spread the fabrics around me and touch them gently.

Settled, I set about planning the trivial but essential tasks of my life. I schedule, I clean, I shop, I eat and I work - but all the time I'm dreaming of colours and shapes and how I can translate them into cloth.

I am calm and back in control.

4 comments:

  1. You're terrific at reading my mind. I find a walk always clears my head

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  2. It's something we should do more of, Stephanie. Walking really us gives a sense of perspective, don't you think?

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  3. You were making me panic just reading about your panic! I feel just the same a lot of the time. Making lists works for me and all the things are then out of my head and into reality, and I can calmly work through them. Walking is good too! xCathy

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  4. I'm a list-maker, too, Cathy. Works for me!

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